You Create What You Expect

Peter McGahey & Peter Pierro First shown February 18, 2022

I’m always happy to quote from the works of my fellow Illinoisan. The wisdom of his message is given in clear, understandable, and caring terms. 

Your team, the Falcons, are featured in the following scenario: Conversation overheard during a break at your local Parent-Teacher Meeting;

First Parents: We are new here and our two children have been accepted as players with the Falcon softball team. Is that a good team to be playing with?

Several Other Parents: “Our kids have played with them and your kids couldn’t be with a better team.” “Our kids haven't played with them but they have played against them. Great coaching - Clean playing - Polite and friendly even when they lose.” , , ,

“Our son was playing with the Tigers and their coaches played “Gotcha” with their players. Other couple member, “and they were always hollering at them.”  “We were lucky and got our kids traded to the Falcons.”

These parents are using Awareness - what was the reality of their kids’ experiences. They were dealing with their Expectations of what their kids’ sports experience would be. They were asking their kids’ coach to be Accountable for their mentoring.

You Create What You Expect

Who was that early sodbuster in Kansas? He leaned at the gatepost and studied the horizon and figured what corn might do next year and tried to calculate why God ever made the grasshopper and why two days of hot winds smother the life out of a stand of wheat and why there was such a spread between what he got for grain and the price quoted in Chicago and New York. Drove up a newcomer in a covered wagon: “What kind of folks live around here?” “Well, stranger, what kind of folks was there in the country you come from?” “Well, they was mostly a lowdown, lying, thieving, gossiping, backbiting lot of people.” “Well, I guess, stranger, that’s about the kind of folks you’ll find around here.” And the dusty gray stranger had just about blended into the dusty gray cottonwoods in a clump on the horizon when another newcomer drove up: “What kind of folks live around here?” “Well, stranger, what kind of folks was there in the country you come from?” “Well, they was mostly a decent, hardworking, law abiding, friendly lot of people.” “Well, I guess, stranger, that’s about the kind of folks you’ll find around here.” And the second wagon moved off and blended with the dusty gray cottonwoods on the horizon while the early sodbuster leaned at his gatepost and tried to figure why two days of hot winds smother the life out of a nice stand of wheat.

                          —Carl Sandburg

Sandburg’s story really illustrates positive expectancy in action – if we expect failure; we will find failure – if we expect success; we will find success. Positive coaches live and work with Positive Expectancy. It is a way of life for them. They have a purity of spirit that defies description, but the observer is acutely aware of its presence. Can you remember back to that elementary teacher who you treasure, who was always there for you? Who always expected you to learn; to ‘behave’; to be the best you could be?

Being a positive expectancy coach is very simple. You just expect your players to want to learn, to want to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner, to want to be responsible for their own actions. The Negative Expectancy Coach is always looking for children to make mistakes, to ‘misbehave’, to treat other children badly, to be ‘lazy’, etc.

I was discussing this with Sam, a policeman friend of mine. I was making the point that, although I am a safe driver, if he were to follow me everywhere I went, he would find occasions to ticket me. Sam laughed and said, “My second grade teacher, the turkey buzzard. I always felt that she was sitting on a wall looking down on me, waiting for me to make a mistake so she could catch me at it.”

By contrast, the Positive Expectancy Coach is always looking for good behavior and the best work possible. He is forever looking at the possibilities. “What can Matthew accomplish with my assistance?” “How can I best work with Jessica so that she will become a responsible, self-motivating person?”

So, we have our choice:

We can see children as positive people – working to reach positive goals or We can see children as negative people – working to reach negative goals.

Regardless, just be aware that we will get what we expect to get and that we must be willing to be responsible for or take credit for what we have helped create.