You’re Going to be a Winner! - Part I

There are two kinds of parents who really bug a conscientious, caring Coach. Here’s #1. You’ll find him in every game/sports venue I thought I’d make fun of him in a different setting. “I have never been a winner but my son is going to be a winner.”

Those are the words of Emmet Rucker no, not the spoken words. In fact, Emmet would be surprised and indignant if Evan Baker, the new coach, were to ask, “Don’t you think that you’re trying to become successful through the efforts of your child, Tom?”

Let’s listen in as Emmet talks to Tom: “Well, son, we have a lot of work to do to get you ready for the TiddlyWinks championships.”

“But, Dad, I’m only 9 years old and some of the guys there are 12 years old. They’ll cream me.”

“I know that, Tom, but it’s never too early to learn how to compete. And you should compete against players who are better than you. Losing toughens you up. If my dad had started me out early enough, I would have been a champ.

“But, I love to work on the computer and I’m learning how to write stories and . . .”

“You know, Tom, sometimes I don’t think you appreciate what your Mom and I do for you kids. Like right now your Mom is working with your sister to make her a Ball and Jacks champ just like she was when she was a kid.”

“Rachel wants to be the champ. I don’t”

“Now cut that out, Tom. You’re beginning to sound like your brother, Ben. He had a great future in playing Scrabble. Could have gone all the way to the nationals, but he quit, embarrassing the whole family. Now it’s him and his stupid guitar. He’s even flunking Algebra. And the way he’s dressing! I don’t know where he went wrong.”

Instant Analysis:

1. Emmet is dealing with his goals instead of Tom’s goals.

2. Emmet and his wife are pleased with Rachel because she has accepted the same goals as theirs. We will see if she continues her quest or decides it’s not worth it and quits.

3. Emmet isn’t going to take any responsibility for Ben’s decision to quit the task they marked off for him. In fact, he is going to blame him for being strong enough to go his own way, for ‘going wrong.’

4. Emmet is involved in psychological abuse with Ben and Mrs. Rucker was an observer and participant in the abuse.

Sometimes we parents blur the line between who we are and who our kids are. We don’t let them become the unique, special persons that they are and will be. It is our job, as parents, to make our children independent of us.