You are going to be a Winner! - Part II

“I’ve always been a Winner and my daughter will be a Winner, too.”

Those are the words of Betty Dalton - no, not the spoken words. In fact, Betty will be surprised and indignant if the Coach were to ask, “Don’t you think that you’re pushing Sarah too hard? She’s having trouble dealing with the pressure.”

Betty was a champion tennis player in high school, college, and on the pro tour. She left the tour to raise a family, including Sarah. Betty is still the champion at the local tennis club and plays a mean game of bridge - she wins all the local duplicate bridge tournaments.

Let’s listen in as Betty talks to Sarah about her playing with the high school golf team:

“Sarah, have you been practicing the sand shot that the club pro taught you yesterday?”

"Yes, and I think I have it down. We’ll see how it works in our school’s match with Ashland High next week. It’s not quite the same as the one Coach Adams taught us. Oh, he has me matched up with their third ranking player.”

“Well, I think your Coach Adams is dead wrong on that sand shot. With his sand shot you’ll never get the ball near the pin. And you should be playing their #1 player. I always played my best against the other team’s best player. Sometimes, I lost a match but I felt that the tougher the opponent was the better it was for me. You don’t learn much from playing a mediocre opponent.”

“Coach Adams says that I might not be ready to go against top players yet. He’s concerned that I might get beat and it’ll hurt my attitude. Besides that, our team needs the wins to qualify for the state tournaments.”

“He’s wrong again. I’ll call him this evening and let him know how I feel about this. I’m really concerned about what the other parents in our club will think about you not being #1.”

Instant Analysis:

1. Betty is dealing with her own goals for Sarah regardless of Sarah’s goals or the situation.

2. Betty is getting Sarah caught between following her club pro’s teaching and her Coach’s coaching. Real confusion may occur when the Coach begins reteaching her his correct way of getting out of a sand trap.

3. Betty is into the “What will the neighbors think?” rather than with Sarah’s needs.

4. Betty, the perfectionist, wants to make Sarah as perfect as she is, but the message that Sarah is getting is “I’m never going to be good enough. I make too many mistakes.”

This comment is a repeat from the previous blog.

Sometimes we parents blur the line between who we are and who our kids are. We don’t let them become the unique, special persons that they are and will be. It is our job, as parents, to make our children independent of us.