Paula the Pest - rf

Ah, yes, Paula the Pest. She is forever bugging the dickens out of everyone who has any authority. Her prime target is you, the Coach, because you are the top dog in this operation. The assistant coaches are fair game when you're not around. Paula has spent much of her life doing whatever it takes to please other people; to get that pat on the back. Bit by bit, she has given up her own identity in order to do whatever other people want. Some people like having Paula around because of her willingness to serve them; her striving to do exactly what they tell her. That's not you, Coach. Healthy people don't need to be served by any 'inferior' person.

Tactic I -- Constantly asking for approval:

Paula has just been issued her uniform and she is checking with you, “Coach, is my cap on right?” “Looks O.K. to me.” “Coach, are my socks pulled up to the right height?” “They're O.K.” “Coach, etc.???”

Tactic II -- Reading your mind:

Paula is always trying to figure out what you want so that she can do it before you say anything. This means that she has to constantly 'read your mind.' Sometimes she makes a mistake -- she has figured out that you want the bats all lined up so she's busy setting them straight. You observe this and instead of saying, “Gee, Paula, I'm sure glad you are straightening out those bats.” you say. “Paula, that's the batgirl's job. Get back in the dugout.” and we have some hurt feelings.

Your feelings:

Concern; some aggravation. “She is always bugging me and I give her some attention but it's never enough. I have 14 players to work with and she takes up half of my time.”

What you would like to do:

Take a vacation anywhere. Scream, “Get off my back for a minute.” Send her to the sporting goods store to get you a pair of left-handed shin guards...

What you can do:

You were right in giving her some attention-- she is really hungry for recognition but she needs more than that -- she needs affirmation, she needs to know that someone, an important someone, knows that she exists. And that someone is you.

Try this, only when she is not asking for your attention, “Paula. I like the way you have been rooting for the team. You really are a good team player.”

Paula's Goal: Recognition

This is different from: “Commending the player as soon as possible after she has done something well.” (Reward)