Paula the Pest - Attention

Recognition, Acknowledgement, Affirmation.

I have discussed an issue during these blogs and given you this quote:

“A mistake a player makes is a message from him to you that here is a place that you can assist him.”

I also said that this is a “learning moment.”  You take Lora, the shortstop, aside and say, “Okay, what happened out there?” She says, “I should have backed up the third baseman on that throw from right field.” You say, “That’s right. Do that when it's the right thing to do.”  

Your lesson is delivered and hopefully learned - no shouting, no hurt feelings,  no recriminations. This Attention issue is alike but different with Paula, the Pest -  She needs some Recognition; some Acknowledgement; some Affirmation; and she is asking for it. “I count only when I’m being noticed and I’m being treated as if I'm not here.” 

Paula the Pest 

Paula the Pest is forever bugging the dickens out of everyone who has any authority. Her prime target is you, the Coach, because you are the top dog in this operation. The assistant coaches are fair game when you're not around. Let’s watch her do something that even she doesn’t know she is doing.

Tactic I -- Constantly asking for approval. 

Paula has just been issued her uniform and she is check­ing with you, “Coach, is my cap on right?” “Looks O.K. to me.” “Coach, are my socks pulled up to the right height?” “They're O.K.” “Coach . . .

 Tactic II -- Reading your mind.

Paula is always trying to figure out what you want so that she can do it before you say anything. This means that she has to constantly 'read your mind.' “Coach, remember that you told us we’re going to learn the ‘run down’ today.”

Your feelings. 

Concern; some aggravation. “She is always bugging me. I wish she'd get off my back, leave me alone, give me some rest. I try to listen to her and give her some attention but it's never enough. I have 15 players to work with and she takes up half of my time.”

What you would like to do. 

Ignore her. 

What you can do.

First - Never give her your attention when she is asking for it. You would be endorsing it. She is really hungry for recognition but she needs more than that -- she needs Affirmation, she needs to know that someone, an im­portant someone, knows that she exists. And that someone is you.

Do these - only when she is not asking for your attention;

“Paula, I’m glad you like your uniform - what did your family think about it? 

Any other time, “I like the way you have been rooting for the team. You’re really are a good team player.” 

Adaption  from Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child.

“What do we say to a guest who forgets her umbrella? Do we run after her and say "What is the matter with you? Every time you come to visit us you forget something. If it's not one thing it's another. I bet you'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders."

That's not what we say to a guest. We say "Here's your umbrella, Alice," without adding "scatterbrain."

Parents, Teachers, and Coaches need to learn to respond to their children as they do to their guests.”